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TRIGGERS
Anyone and anything can be a trigger that takes you right back to your pain. You can immediately be consumed by the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, feeling unworthy, inadequate, and even feeling everything in your life is invalid.
A response to one of my comments on a facebook post sent me there this afternoon.
It was from a man who recently sent me an invitation to be his Facebook friend. My gut told me not to do that. My head said, “What could happen? It will be okay.” I let him into my world when I had a feeling this man was not like me or was someone I would like. Something inside me said he and I had opposite priorities in life and we saw things in different ways. I knew it would not end well, yet I accepted his invitation. I convinced myself that diversity is not a bad thing, he lives 980 miles away, it would be okay.
The trigger came in the form of his reply to a comment I made on Facebook comparing Juneau with the Yukon. Yukon is huge, with gorgeous lakes and rivers, mountains that look like paintings in the fall, abundant wildlife, harsh winters with extremely low temperatures, and wide open spaces where the aurora will blow your mind. Juneau is tiny by comparison, but has gorgeous lakes, waterfalls, mountains, and abundant wildlife.
The author of the post said he was in Juneau once and he loved it. My comment was how Yukon Territory is like Juneau on steroids. I could and did paint that picture in my head.
A response to that comment came from that new Facebook friend. It was blunt, directly to the point. At least that’s how it was perceived. He said there is no comparison, telling me I need a trip somewhere, and he’s thinking I’ve been in the fjords of coastal temperate rainforest for a while.
Most people could let this go, blow it off, and not give this comment a second thought. I’m sure many people would laugh it off. I saw it as aggressive, a direct attack to my life and sensibility. I saw it as another controlling man trying to manipulate me into thinking I don’t have a clue. In my angry phase of life I would have told him to go do something to himself. I simply unfriended him.
It set everything inside me reeling. I was numb. I couldn’t function. After unfriending that man and deleting his messages, I slept for 3 hours. Awake now and writing, I am finally beginning to release the power I gave this stranger to allow me to feel small and insignificant, being too stupid to see the truth.
How do we learn to protect ourselves? How do I remain in a state of love and not turn back to that woman who put people in their place when she felt it necessary? How do we consistently live in love?
The answer just came to me. Jesus took no offense because he had no pride. He was humble and loving. As Jesus only thought what the Father thought, said what the Father said, and did what the Father told him to do, I need to let go of my pride and ego, and follow His example. Without pride no words can hurt us. We are free to love and forgive. No hurtful words or actions toward us can get through that wall of love and forgiveness to reach our emotions. If we take no thought, we can’t feel. We can only love. Nothing outside of us can harm us when we live in love. The Beatles were right; love is all you need.