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CONFRONTATION
About a week ago I told a former co-worker about a fundraising whale watch for our local food bank. She said she was very excited to go with me; we would have a fabulous time!
Today was the day. It was a perfect day for whale watching. The fog cleared, the light rain stopped, and the sun was shining. You couldn’t ask for more perfect weather for this outing.
I arrived first and checked in. I was given a red number and was told to give it to the deckhand prior to boarding. My friend arrived and also got a red number. We realized the red numbers indicated you were going on a boat with no beverages or snacks onboard. We wanted glacieritas, a blue colored margarita that is similar to the color of glacier ice and glacier water. The passengers with yellow numbers went on this boat.
I asked, and we traded our red numbers for yellow ones, allowing us onboard the boat with the bar, free coffee, hot chocolate and tea. They also have items for sale onboard.
As we waited for our boarding time, my former co-worker began to socialize with many people, all from the company that employs us. As she was talking to someone about how she’s not working this season for a small cruise line, I interjected that I was on their last cruise. They are now closed for business.
She lost her composure, snapping quite loudly, “I was trying to talk about my job!” The atmosphere immediately went from friendly and pleasant to angry and confrontational. I remained silent.
When contemplating handling that outburst, a few choices open to me. There are always choices. The fact that I considered they existed said healing is happening. I’m growing, I’m learning to deal with these negative situations thrown at me.
Normally I would respond to something like this by running away or by making a scene. Making a scene is never the answer. Neither is running away.
I was stunned. I could not believe this very gentle woman screamed at me in a public area! I was not going to approach her to talk about it. This wasn’t the time or place.
I wanted to run away, to get in my car to come home and lick my wounds. I was more shocked than hurt that she treated me this way. I no longer welcomed her presence, at least not today.
Instead of running, I decided to continue with the whale watch, but I did not want to be near her. There were no thoughts about her, I simply wanted to remove myself from the situation. There are alternative paths to take. There was no judgement or no blame. An unfortunate situation happened and I needed to care for myself the best way I could.
I simply changed my ticket back to the red color and went out with a different whale watch company. In a tourist port like Juneau, the whale watch companies are numerous. Each is a little different than the other as far as cost, vessels, and amenities are concerned.
Those of us with red tickets were the first to board our vessel. As I started to walk down the gangway, she called to me to say I’m going with the wrong group. I simply responded that I changed my mind, I’m going on this boat. My thinking was that it is better to be alone than be uncomfortable in someone’s presence.
This was a time to enjoy the beautiful world around us, a time to soak it in and experience it.
Sometimes the most loving thing and healing act we can give ourselves is to remove ourselves from a situation. We don’t have to say a word, think anything about the other person or their words. We simply find a way to take care of ourselves. We don’t need to feel the hurt or react emotionally. You can only control yourself, your thoughts, your words, and your actions. It takes time to reach this point. Be gentle with yourself. It’s taken me more than 25 years to reach this point of peace.
Stay in love. Love always wins. Love teaches you a better way. Love is gentle and kind. It is not easily irritated nor takes offense. Love is a safe place for shelter, the safest place of all.